POLITICALLY CORRECT STATEMENTS FOR THE 21st CENTURY

- Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage
restrictive."
- Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social
speed bumps."
- You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time."
- You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from
"rebellious follicle syndrome."
- No one's tall anymore. He's "vertically enhanced."
- You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."
- You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."
- It's not called gossip anymore. It's "the speedy
transmission of near-factual information."

AND FOR STUDENTS...

- The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's
"digestively challenging."
- No one fails a class anymore, he's merely "passing
impaired."
- You don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit
delayed."
- These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically
disinclined."
- Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure
prohibitive."
- Your homework isn't missing, its just having an "out-of-
notebook experience."
- You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing
consciousness."
- You don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-retentive
athletic footwear."
- You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating
in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."
- You're not being sent to the principal's office. You're
"going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative
building."